No, no, this is not another gloomy article thats gonna mess up the rest of your day.
Quite the opposite actually.
I was staring out the elevators glass side towards the sea when I had this thought. A patient had just died in the room upstairs, the body was taken to the cemetery and they were cleaning out the room for the next admission.
And I stood there for a while, completely phasing out.
I mean, matrix style phasing out.
I was one with the f***g ocean for a moment.
And I thought to myself, something we all think of fleetingly now and again.
It whispers in our ears from time to time, and mostly we pay it no mind.
“What if I die tomorrow? What if its my turn now?”
I wasnt gloomy. Sure, i was a little creeped out by the thought of the grim reaper coming for me, but I forced myself to continue with that thought.
What would I do differently, today, had I known 100% that this was going to be my last day in this world?
In that moment, everything about society collapsed in my mind. All the trivial things we pay attention to on a daily basis.
All the things we allow so much control over our daily comings and goings.
All the cultural norms and “abnorms” that we adhere to so religiously.
All meant .. nothing.
Now, dont get me wrong. There were some things that grew in importance more than anything. Religion, for one, came at the forefront.
Am i doing enough?
Family. I want to see my mom. I want to just talk to her one last time before I go. I want her to ask me her daily questions about my job, and id like to give her a full committed response instead of the regular “meh, mom, can you pass me the ketchup?” response.
I didnt want to “YOLO”, that definitely flew out the window. But i did feel like i dont appreciate the small things around me much.
Appreciation. I guess thats the word i felt mostly when i felt today was my last.
Appreciation, for all the small stuff, or what we consider small when we live in our materialistic world in our materialistic life styles.
The relationships, the families, the friendships, even the breeze.
When was the last time you just appreciated the feeling of the warm rays of the sun on your skin, and you just shut up, closed your eyes for 5 seconds and enjoyed it?
Or enjoyed the moment with your siblings, appreciating that whether you like it or not these daily annoyances have actually been around you during your ups, downs, lefts, rights and everywheres.
Enjoyed that repetitive joke that never gets old. In this house. But you’d never get caught dead saying it in public, cuz its actually a shit joke, but you’ve got a shit sense of humour that your siblings share.
Appreciation for the poor workers, maids, drivers we pay tuppences to scrape a living.
They honestly “scrape a living”.
Whatever that feeling that came over me was the other day in the elevator, it opened my eyes.
Even if it was just for half an hour.
We’d do well to live by that feeling.